Saturday, October 8, 2011

My little star, Day of atonement

I suppose I'm supposed to write in my blog since I've been ignoring it for a while.  I've been doing other stuff. 

 I set up a small play area at local consignment sale of kids stuff.  That is, I brought a rug remnant and a table for our info and all sorts of cool "science" toys.  This was OK, but really it was in a very dirty place.  The kids liked it, but there was one who kept running away and his mom didn't seem to be supervising, and one who kept throwing the toys in even dirtier places- parent really not doing anythign about it.  However, the rest of the forty kids (over three hours) came and explored the toys, generally playing nicely.  Siblings were quite helpful with each other, and older kids got along with younger ones.  Also it was clear that the toys were more cool than the lolly pops two of the kids had brought- they kept trying to figure out what to do with them... and then got really sticky hands and that was a problem getting the toys sticky.  I guess I'll need wipes- its not a bad idea.  I'm thinking for a play space we should ask kids to wash hands first- or use wipes.  We'll say it will cut down on our cleaning- and make it slightly more sanitary for all.  Of course they won't all do it, but I think it would help.

We've been figuring out about my little star's weirdness.  I've seen a lot of kids playing this week or so (I was in and out of his day care a bit, and my little star is definitely not playing with them as they do with each other. .. This has always been the case to some degree, but its getting to be more worriesome.We had him observed by the mental health person at head start (His playcare is run by headstart though many kids are not head start subsidized kids), and filled out some screening tests.  Well, he comes under concern for just about all categories, particulalry poorly for attachment and withdrawn.  However, there was this spike where he passed typical kids- he has even less agression than typical kids- this is a good thing.  Of course it could change.  Then we got referrals to a local psychologist, and two places related to hospitals in Columbus.  One is an autism center.   So... yes, it does point to autism.  Funny how I was prepared for that... but I kind of expected there to be a bunch of other possibilities suggested, or that it wouldn't be narrowed down to that when no diagnosis has been made at all.  Funny how when you get referred to a center like that it feels different than when you say, it kind of seems like the things he exhibits are like autism and maybe he has that.  Its like your observations are completely validated- but you didn't realize you didn't want them validated until they were.

My little star has a cold.  Yesterday for the first time ever he slept until 11:30 am.  Granted he did not have a nap the day before- this suprised me since he usually does at playcare!  And granted he seemed to have fallen off his bed in the middle of the night and was up for a while as we helped him go back to sleep.  BUt even after returning from CA, he only slept until nine or so.  In his almost four years of life he's never slept that late for any reason.  Ever.  He slept through his light alarm coming on.  He slept through the replay of his going to sleep music.  And he seemed fine when he awoke, though slightly more tired than I would have expected!  We did some errands, and then he had a huge melt down before dinner- like you might expect if he hadn't had a nap.  Of course I couldn't give him a nap when he'd just woken up!
And then he melted down after/during dinner as well, so I didn't figure we should take him to Kol Nidre.  

I went without my husband, who was under the weather, and felt bad because they had a whole string quartet, and he would have loved it... though maybe he wouldnt have lasted that long.

Today I got him to services... oh around 11 am, and it was almost over.  He seemed very slow, but sat quietly til it ended.  I think we were only there about 20 minutes.  When I was growing up services lasted practically forever on Yom Kippur- past 1pm usually.  And on Yom Kippur, well, what else do you really have to do anyway?...if you don't have kids... and you don't take it very seriously. Like, I'm sure you are NOT supposed to use the computer today- but I do think taking stock and reflecting is very much Yom Kippur.

Anyway, today is the day of atonement, and, I believe, introspection.  But I dont' feel like I'm introspecting much.  Its mostly taking care of little star (husband still seems under the weather).  There are some things I should work on more- being lazy at times, selfish, focusing on the wrong priorities, not being generous enough,  those are probably the main ones.  I don't really have an atonement message... or a deep thought.  Perhaps some years you just go through the motions, feel the traditions, and maybe other years you can take more away from it.  But its a tradition you do every year, and it spart of you.  Each year builds on the repetition; every time you do it or listen to it, you become better attuned to it and it informs your whole experience of life; its part of you.  So its worth doing every year if you can.

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